Code stuck

Over the xmas period I haven’t touched any code and my mental has benefited from it immensely.

I still feel a pang of guilt that I’m not being ‘productive’ though, which I think runs deeper than programming and says more about the expectation of optimising time.

I feel a bit stuck in what to do next with my career. I’m currently a freelance web dev which means I now control my destiny in a way I didn’t have to before.

It seems I’m not as in love with programming as I once was.

I’ve been learning some design principles to help with the rut. I thought by learning something outside of my main skills would be helpful, but what I’m starting to think is that it’s an issue with having all learning revolve around monetisation. It’d be helpful for my career to learn a bit of design and it’s difficult to think of self-development outside of this narrow lense of capitalist self-optimisation.

I now spend more time in Tekken’s training mode than I do thinking about technical problems.

Writing about this is the best way for me to understand it. The fact that I have to think twice about positing my own thoughts on a personal blog in case it turns off prospective employers is a nagging feeling that annoys me greatly. What’s the worst that could happen?